Succeeding in life as a couple requires a lot of trust, listening, passion, kindness and gentleness, but also a little ego and pride. The balance is difficult to find. We talked to a Psychotherapist who is specialized in the couple and has identified 9 difficulties to avoid so that your couple goes to the end of the road together!
Here’s what not to do:
1 .Want to change the other:
At the beginning, we believe that we have married the right person, the one who corresponds to us perfectly. But people evolve. You have to learn to marry a person “that you want to accompany” and not to choose a person for whom they are right now, or who they could become!
2 .Being afraid of loneliness:
We are born alone, we die alone. Loneliness is part of love and marriage (or couple) does not change that. You have to learn to accept it. If you feel lonely in your relationship, talk to your partner about it, but don’t blame them for it. It’s for nothing.
3 .Believing that doubt stops at the gates of love:
It’s when you find someone you really like that you start to doubt yourself. This is normal, because you feel vulnerable in front of this person to whom you have finally opened your heart. But again, don’t blame him for your personal issues. Doubting is healthy, for yourself and for your couple!
4 .Bring out his ego:
In a balanced relationship, your ego should gradually fade. You can’t afford to let it grow. One needs the ego to protect oneself from humiliation or degradation. But your relationship should logically be the refuge where you can finally rest your self-esteem and think about yourself and your partner with serenity!
5 .become indifferent:
Empathy, attention, respect, are the most important things in a couple. But with the passage of time, fatigue, work, etc., we tend to become indifferent, even with the person we love. Force yourself to be empathetic. Share your fears, your weaknesses. It will prove to you that you can function together.
6 .Put your children first:
Children are life, it is important. But children should not become more important – or less important – than your marriage. Otherwise, it will lead to imbalances: by taking over, your children will feel above your authority. If they feel abandoned, they will be stressed. In short, you have to know how to dose so as not to endanger your couple and therefore the happiness of your children.
7 . Remain unaffected by the “hidden power play”:
Most relationship problems stem from everyday power struggles for recognition and intimacy. Some men want less and their partners more, but sometimes it’s the opposite.” So who determines the degree of distance or intimacy in your relationship? Once you can put this conflict into words and if we try to solve it, everyday life quickly becomes much less burdensome!
8 . refuse to see that life is chaos:
With each imbalance, with each doubt, you tend to blame your partner. Whenever something goes wrong, it’s either him or you. But this is not reality! Life is difficult and full of changes that also shake up your relationship, even when everything is going well between you. This kind of external earthquake settles together! Don’t let the environment sour your relationship.
9 . Forget the important :
In our fast-paced society where our attention is constantly shifted and solicited, it’s hard to remember what really matters. Our concentration is worth less than our distraction. However, to appreciate the strength and beauty of a relationship, you have to know how to ask yourself and fully realize how lucky it is to share the life of someone you appreciate deep inside.
Open your eyes and your heart !